


More Than This

by Trixie_Baggins



Series: TJ Hammond's Playlist [1]
Category: Political Animals
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Drug Abuse, Hurt, M/M, Multi, Music, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, TJ is just a smol bean, one direction - Freeform, trigger - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 04:46:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11616159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trixie_Baggins/pseuds/Trixie_Baggins
Summary: I’m broken, do you hear me?I’m blinded, 'cause you are everything I see,I’m dancin’ alone, I’m praying,That your heart will just turn around,If I’m louder, would you see me?Would you lay downIn my arms and rescue me?'Cause we are the sameYou saved me,When you leave it’s gone again





	More Than This

Sean left.  He had chosen his reputation over what he had once called “love at first sight.”  TJ had given everything that he could to Sean.  His time, his love, his sobriety. When he was with Sean, he didn’t even think about doing drugs.  The concern in Sean’s eyes when TJ used to show up high discouraged him from doing drugs, and encouraged him from getting clean.

 

But really, it wasn’t healthy.  TJ had exchanged one drug for another.  He craved Sean’s touch the way he use to crave the cocaine.  He spent every opportunity he could with Sean, the way he looked for every opportunity to get high.  Sean was his highest high, but like every other high, there was a low.  There was a point when he crashed and everything fell apart.  Because Sean was his highest high, he was also the lowest low.  He was the hardest crash, and the most detrimental withdrawal.

 

For so long Sean had been TJ’s everything.  He was his reason to live and to love.  He was why TJ got up in the morning, the reason he made it through the day, and why he came home at night.  He was everything TJ ever wanted. He became TJ’s identity and his source of happiness.   When he left, TJ was left with nothing to live for.  He went from being on top of the tallest mountain to being pushed off that mountain by the very same person who helped him climb up there in the first place.

 

TJ cursed life, and begged Sean, and if he believed in God, he would’ve prayed to him too.  He did everything and tried anything he could to make Sean stay.  After all, Sean had told him he loved him.  TJ, for all his life experience, for all his popularity, for all of his charisma, TJ Hammond was so, so naive in the way the world worked.  He was a romantic.  He believed that love existed, and that it could conquer all.  And so when Sean told him he loved him, but left anyway, everything that TJ though was true was called into question.

 

He tried to drink away the pain, and when that didn’t work he tried to get high in order to stop feeling so low.  But the buzz always wore off, and the crash always came.  Some part of him always held out hope that Sean would regret leaving.  That he would realize that his family was not who he was, that TJ was who he needed, and that he would come back.

 

Sean never came back.  It was only TJ, in an empty house, with an emptier bottle, watching the TV for who he thought was the love of his life.

 

He always thought that love would be enough, but it wasn’t.  He always thought that one day he would meet the right person, and he would  _ know. _  He had thought he knew.  He had thought what he felt was true, and for him it was.  He would always wonder if Sean actually loved him, or if he had just loved what TJ stood for: liberation.  Freedom.

 

The longer TJ thought about his life, the more he realized that people left him.  His father had left him for his affairs and his drinking.  His mother had left him for her political career, and even Doug had eventually left him for Anne, and for the control that running a campaign would give him.  Sean had left him to maintain the facade of who he was.  TJ just didn’t have what they wanted.  He was a mess; he always had been, and he probably always would be.  Even in their chaos, his family was always so neat.  Maybe Sean had been their last straw.  They obviously knew about him.  They didn’t approve.  They had been right, and maybe that’s what TJ hated the most.  They always had their lives together.  They were always right.  They were never surprised because they were always one step ahead of him.  They always thought that they knew what was best, or how something would turn out, and he hated them for it, because they did.

 

For once in his life, TJ had decided, he would surprise them.  He would take the first step.  He would change the way it ended.  He would pull his life together enough to make his own choices.

 

He would leave them.

  
  



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